F#@k the MTA! [starving artist]

I’m not here to bash the MTA.  I’m not going to say the subway is a worthless, puke-filled, rat-infested hell-hole.  I’m not going to point out that an 80-year old could run laps around a cross-town bus.  I’m not going to reveal that I was filled with glee when the evil station agent at 14^th street was let go because of the budget cuts.  That would be mean.  And an understatement.

What I will say is that walking is the only way to go, literally. It’s just dependable: Your walking journey would never suddenly get rerouted to the F-Line, only to say later that the last and final stop will be 50^th Street/Rockefeller Center.  Your pedestrian expedition wouldn’t dream of making you wait at bus stop for 27 minutes out in the cold, eventually forcing you take a cab that you can’t afford.

When you walk, you will you not only burn calories, but you will avoid the crazy lady on the 4-train banging her home-made drum and yelling/singing “I’m broke!  It’s no joke!”  I’m broke too, lady, so shut up already!

For everyone living in an outer borough, you can walk too!  According to Google maps, Astoria is a 1 hour and 34 minute walk from Times Square.  But you’re a young spry actor, you can make it in 1 hour 15. And that’s a heck of a lot quicker than taking the subway after 10pm/weekends.

Here is a simple mathematical formula that you can use to calculate the walking distance of your trip:

• +1 minute for each street block
• +2 or 3 minutes for each avenue block (depending on girth)
• +2 minutes for walking in touristy areas like Times Square or Canal Street
• +8 minutes if you are newly in love, and singing “On the Street Where You Live” as you go
• -4 minutes if it is cold out and you didn’t want to wear your ugly puffy coat
• x3 if you are practicing your limp for your role as elderly shopkeeper in a one-act festival
• ÷2 if you are late and hustling to an audition

So, take that $4.50 that you would spend on a round trip, and go buy yourself a beer at happy hour, because gosh darn it, you deserve it.  And drinking is awesome!